Drowning

*currently listening to Initial D Original Soundtrack

I hate this feeling..feeling of guilty.."dark claws tore the bright white cloth that covered me all this while from chaos and despair"..tonite i can't take it anymore..what is actualy happen..why must it happen....I felt like everything start to break apart..something goes wrong but i still not aware what it is..what actually happen to the surroundings that im in..well time realy change our surrounding including the people in it..

Today's morning i woke up with nobody around..everybody seems to go back their hometown..and i left here alone..well i come across to think bit about what is actualy happen in my live..i keep on ponder about this few phrase..a loner or a loser..well i am a loner..i tend to stay out of crowd no a days..i rather stay in this dark hole i called home..just now i went out to almanda with my housemate and friend..seing other people there reminded me on how awful life i've been through..then suddenly i saw someone look similar to my dad..my real dad..i tend to remember all the sweet things that i and my parents done before..i think i miss my dad..i miss the old family that i happy in..i might be selfish for saying that i have a bad family..but i just want it back..PLEASE!!!!..i cried there in alamanda food court..seing kids very happy..ergh i envy them..this tears..is it tears of a man or tears of a child?..Everything screwed up nowadays..F**k it..is like im in different timeline which im not aware of what had happen..lots of question and doubt which suddenly appears in my mind..

I talked with my friend..Asfarina..she said..she miss alpha life..so do i..thats is the time where everybody are together and i felt very strong that time..Ganaesh says everything started to break apart..i realize that either..i wish i could do something to bring back the "semangat" that long time "terkubur" when we left alpha year..i hope tomorow will be a better day for me and everybody who felt the same as what i felt